Head pounding and exhaustion settle in after a what seemed a long week of demolishing rooms and battling mold, tears shed as much as sweat from tension and anxiety and voices raised and shouted like cracking sound of stormy thunder.
Phases of home ownership and the adjustment of two adults meshing their own "ways" and their own corks and pet peeves as been so told many many times before. Yet I nod my head as in yes I know I know but without doubt, I don't know!!!! As much I self proclaim master of my reality, a man of stout, a Jedi, there is so much I do not know ,the ways of life and the world surrounding me and even myself. The less I realize the more and more frustrated I become not because of the events around me but more so the fact I know not who I am truly am and my full potential as myself my complete self.
I thought many many times to just leave and say to myself "you're not happy, its not real, you don't care and the all important "where is my time?"
I may despise what this new living situation reminds me of my faults and lacking ability but as a self proclaimed Jedi I should understand that life is a constant classroom of learning, just like a stockboy constantly learning his department and customers. How can I turn my back on that? How can I turn my back on the woman, my companion who has more faith in me than myself, more faith in me than life itself?
Isn't that what we all want? Rest assured its what I always wanted, the one true person who saw me more than what the rest of the world or what even I perceived. This stockboy will rise to the new challenge of his inner self.
Love you my Maddie
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